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Posts Tagged ‘stress’

Trance 1: A Lull

We experienced a very beautiful full moon recently.  Several people commented that they felt an intense amount of energy related to it.  Normally I feel very energetic around full moons, but this month found me exhausted, drained, and even a little ill feeling.  To be sure, November has been a stressful month for many of us.

My trance practice has been very minimal the last few weeks.  I’m not proud of that, but I’ve been feeling out of it.  Work has me exhausted.  The news has me exhausted.  My daughter has been ill which has me exhausted.  Today, at a grove business meeting, I opened by pouring a few random objects out for people to view.  I asked everyone to choose an object that represents where they are in their study programs, Druidism, or even just their involvement with the group.  I chose the wine cork because I felt like I was just staying buoyant.  I wasn’t really progressing anywhere, but I was maintaining my spiritual practice to the best of my ability.

I suppose I should look on the bright side and celebrate that I haven’t just completely stopped maintaining my relationships with spirit allies, but I am disgruntled that I haven’t done more to finish the study programs I’m working on.  I’m annoyed with myself for not doing more towards my trance studies in particular.

I’ve continued to visualize my Druid egg around me in the mornings as a way to shield.  Some days I can see and feel it really clearly; others I’m barely awake and feel like I’m going through the motions.  I’ve continued to try and do my yoga on the weekends.  Last week I had a much-needed massage.  I feel like that cleared away some of the cobwebs.  Today felt particularly good as I mindfully went into my yoga, focusing on each of the Three Realms as I moved from the ground, through tree, and reached to the sky.  Perhaps, as the moon wanes, the ennui will decrease and I can meditate on what intentions to set for the new moon.

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Nine Virtues for Today

Today I meditate on the nine virtues to help me cope with what happened; with the direction my country takes. I call to the Kindreds for their guidance. 

I need wisdom to stay rational and to help  guide me through history’s spiral. May I share my wisdom with others to help them as needed. 

I need vision to be the change I wish to manifest and to help me focus on hope and peace. 

I need courage to stand up for the oppressed. 

I need piety to stay connected and anchored in the sacred through any turmoil. 

I need integrity if my ideals and values are challenged. 

I need perseverance to get through today and the next four years though bile continues to rise in my throat. 

I need moderation so that I continue to live lighter upon the Earth Mother even when society may take take take greedily. 

I need hospitality to give of myself to help those in need. 

I need fertility so that I stay and create positive change within my own community and country. 

Kindreds, hear my prayer and grant me the strength I need for this day and all days ahead. 

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I posted this on my private FB feed today, but I decided that I wanted to share it here too.  If you are a friend or you happen to follow me on Twitter, you know I’ve been very supportive of the Water Protectors in North Dakota.  You know I’ve been sharing news stories that, otherwise, many may not be exposed to on television.  I have not done anything on my blog, so I wanted to share this because, every year, I seem to do an annual grumble about Thanksgiving.  So ’tis the season!  Seriously, though, I feel very strongly about this.  It feels hypocritical.

I shared this link to “The Women of Standing Rock are Midwifing a Global Movement” and said this on it:

“A nation isn’t defeated until the hearts of their women are on the ground.” Powerful words. Watch the videos in the link.

Going into the month of November, ideas swirl in my mind. I think of Thanksgiving, something that has, symbolically, become more unsavory as I grow and learn. Autumn Equinox is when my immediate family and my people get together to celebrate and give thanks for the harvest – literal and metaphorical. This other day of gratitude in November is so tied up with the dominant culture’s damaging lies, perpetuating the idea that everyone got together and it’s all okay. I don’t think I can do that this year, not anymore, not even as a facade to make family happy, when this is happening. Even if it only gets my family to think about it more… but imagine if more of us said no. We didn’t go to or tune into Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade; we didn’t buy all those turkeys and canned sweet potatoes; we didn’t fuel the greed machine by participating in Black Friday. Imagine the message that would send… I think that’s something I need to consider doing and sticking to this year. If not now, when?

Know that I will not judge those of you who still want to gather with your family. Being with family is always a good thing. Giving thanks is always a good thing. Do use the time to discuss and meditate on the cultural symbolism of the day, though. You cannot ignore that, especially with everything going on. I can’t leave my home, my family, and my job to join the protest – even somewhat local gatherings.  I have responsibilities in the form of loans and rent to pay.  I keep lamenting that I don’t have enough money to send the Water Protectors to help them maintain their camps and pay their legal fees, but what if we didn’t spend some money on factory farmed turkeys (or Tofurkeys in my case) and, instead, sent that to the camp?  What if we all did that act?

Either way, if you support the Water Protectors like I do, let’s send a strong message this November and show our Indigenous Brothers and Sisters that our love of the Earth, the Nature Spirits, and Ancestors of Place is not just lip service.

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The last couple weeks (since I last updated on my work through basic trance exercises and techniques) have felt like a backwards slide.  You see, I went back to work after a long vacation.  In many ways, this was a good thing, especially because it thrust me back into my ten-month routine of waking up with the sun, doing a devotional first thing in the morning, and then going to bed at a decent time.  Unfortunately, getting back into that schedule, on top of all the mental, physical, and, yes, spiritual demands of work – in addition to taking care of my family – has been exhausting.  Trance has been difficult to achieve, let alone attempt.

That isn’t to say I haven’t tried.  I continue to breathe, ground, and shield via visualizations each morning. When I have been stressed, I’ve closed my eyes to visualize all the irritations floating away or burning up in the candle fire…  I engage in the Two Powers often, especially when I do my weekly ADF-style ritual.  Last week I journeyed to my inner grove just to be.  I only moved through my Three Realms yoga practice once since I last wrote about it, which bums me out.

As I move forward and readjust to the usual schedule, I am striving to continue my studies.  I am reading when I can, and I intend to work on some new exercises.  I know that periods of stagnation are normal, but I can’t let it come to that when I’m actively working on my Initiate Path.

Onward, my friends!  Onward and upward!

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As part of my devotional, I meditated. I started with a Two Powers, visualizing myself at my inner grove. I felt at peace, and enjoyed feeling the sun on my face. Eventually, images of myself making candles appeared. I’ve been feeling compelled to try that recently.

My mind moved to something that has been bothering me recently – a few days ago my words failed me. It’s like my mind fell into a puddle for a moment, and the wrong words came out. I felt so stupid, especially as this was at a work meeting and I’m supposed to be well spoken in my field. Nobody said anything, but I stressed about it – and continue to. I hate the possibility that others might think I’m stupid, or might question my abilities. Mostly, I hate feeling that eloquence failed me. It’s as if I let Brighid down in some way, as she is a Goddess who favors the bards. I usually pray to her before rituals or public speaking situations, and usually, as my husband puts it, my tongue “drips with honey.” However, situations like this often overshadow any successes I may have experienced. I find myself wishing I didn’t stumble over my words, that I were wittier, that I were more intelligent. I guess I’m having a moment of inadequacy.

During my meditation, as I dwelled on these worries, Brighid appeared to me. She reminded me that I’m still young, that people make mistakes, and that I need to learn from it but move on. She gave me a wooden disk with the ogham luis – rowan – on it. After I finished my meditation and devotional, I delved into information on luis to verify and add to my understanding of it. It’s association with fire and Brighid seem incredibly specific to the situation. I need to work more with that energy, and allow myself to shine as the symbol encourages. There is also the obvious protective element of rowan. Brighid has my back, and perhaps I shouldn’t allow myself to feel so vulnerable due to a little verbal misstep. Those things happen. I need to pick myself up, learn from my mistakes, and allow my inner flame to shine on!

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Offerings at the oak tree. Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2014.

When life gets busy – go to the forest.

When there is drama at protogrove events – go to the forest.

When you question why you are trying to build community – go to the forest.

When your thoughts won’t let you be – go to the forest.

The oak tree will teach you how to reach to the upper and lower worlds.

The oak tree will teach you to weather your storms.

To oak tree will inspire strength.

The secrets are there in the forest. Your purpose is there in the forest.

You will catch your breath in the forest.

Life will make sense again.

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The previous weekend, I went out into the forest.  I needed it.  I was feeling some cabin fever.  We’ve had snow on top of snow on top of snow.  Furthermore, I had had a terrible, no good, very bad night the day before.   The forest was calling my name.

I was already trudging through the knee-deep snow to the forest when my father suggested I try his snowshoes.  I decided to give it a shot.  I’m glad I did – they were such fun!  Although I could have made it to and from the woods just fine, it would have been a heck of a lot of work.  Putting on snowshoes made the trek more relaxing for me, so I’m glad I took that opportunity.

Me in snowshoes. Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2014.

Once I reached the forest, the stillness was exactly what I needed after a very stressful few days.  The forest felt so welcoming.  Everything felt restful and my troubles faded.  I greeted my tree friends and left offerings for the local spirits.  In the distance, some song birds chirped merrily.  Copious amounts of snow had settled on the tall evergreens like thick layers of dust.  A mighty wind blew and the canopy erupted with shimmering snow!  I lifted my arms and actually gave a shout of joy as I let myself be enveloped in the temporary whiteout.  The previous day’s anger, frustration, and helplessness dislodged and hurried away with that gush of snow and wind.  I let it go when I surrendered to that moment of joy…

In this way, without meditating in the traditional sense, I found my center and was able to relax.  What is it about the forest’s magic?  As I’ve reflected in the past, I’m very aware of the darker sides of this place, and yet it normally gives me such peace…  I’m so grateful for that.

 

One of my tree friends, a lovely tall eastern hemlock. Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2014

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