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Posts Tagged ‘family’

When I woke up this morning, after going about my toilette, I approached my altar, but decided I would hold off on my usual devotional.  I felt unsettled, so I went outside.  I contemplated yoga, but my inner voice urged me to stretch up to the sun, to feel the dewy grass on my feet, then pour a libation instead.  That felt good.  I said a prayer of thanksgiving.

I returned to contemplate my altar.  I’ve been in my home for just over a year, now, and the corner altar in my kitchen has stood for about that long.  I examined the buildup of incense dust and cobwebs.  I work with my altar daily, but bits of rituals past cling in the shadows of rocks, offering bowls, and statuary.  When spiders move in, I tend to welcome them.  My mother always taught me that, unless they present a danger, they are good luck. I offer hospitality,  but that means their webbing, shed skin, and bits of dust linger when they move on.

My eyes took all of this in, and I began to consider how this time of year – September in particular – always finds me  slightly detached from my practice. My work life reclaims much of my energy.  I have little else to give when I return from a long day of teaching and nurturing children.  I view what I do as an extension of my relationship with Brighid.  My values, my beliefs, they do not go away.  They inform me, guide me… and yet, my time and energy to do deeper spirit work diminishes.

It is a frustrating part of my own personal wheel of the year.

I am missing Pagan Pride Day today.  Ever since I had a child, it’s been hit or miss for me.  I’m exhausted.  My family is exhausted.  We’ve all been exposed to everyone else’s germs at school, and my daughter is not feeling her best.  So I’m putting our health first, knowing that we will be with our grove to celebrate the Autumn Equinox next weekend.  That will reinvigorate me further, and carry me into the Samhain season, renewed and ready for rebirth.

Back to the dusty altar.  The dust, I realize, represented something more.  Yes, that sort of thing accumulates through life and ritual (especially when incense is involved).  Yet there was more – it was the miasma of magic past made manifest.  The spiders, drawn to the corner to catch fruit flies opportunistically sipping from my offering bowls, were telling me I needed to tidy up.

So I did.  This morning, I did not light any incense.  I did not make any offerings of food or drink at my altar.  I gave time and care.  I dusted each item with love.  I washed away residue.  I replaced each sacred object tenderly, kissing some, stroking others.  I made sure my allies knew they were still very much welcomed.

You may wonder if I considered the moon phase or astrological sign.  You may nod with approval as I did this before a High Day.  You may shake your head at me for the informality of it all.  However, what I did felt right, and listening to your heart, your instincts, then acting on them, using what is at hand, is an important part of my practice, I feel.  Considering that I am putting a lot of thought into the Autumn Equinox ritual next weekend, this very off-the-cuff cleansing ritual felt like a needed juxtaposition.

Tonight, I am planning to ritually sain and mark the anniversary of our moving here.  I will honor the spirits in my home, and re-consecrate that space.  In the meantime, I’m going to sit and pour an offering to myself: a well-deserved cup of tea.

 

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Hyde Lake in Theresa, NY.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2018.

Between difficulties with our car, cleaning at home, and going back to work a few weeks early, my summer is ending before I’m ready. I have no right to complain, though. Life is relatively good, and the summer fun I did have was wonderful and exciting! And rather than mope, I try my best to seize the day. Because my car, the only one with a roof rack, was in the shop for several weeks, we didn’t get to do much kayaking this year. Today, we changed that with a trip to nearby Hyde Lake.

There’s a lot of nature to explore, even at the boat launch.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2018.

My daughter hadn’t been here since she was a baby, so she was excited to explore a “new” landscape.  We even saw a weasel while in our boat.

KayakHydeLake2018
It turns out, time on a lake was just what I needed. I felt really stressed a few days ago, and I’m making some changes in life because of it.  There’s been a lot of that in the air, I gather.   Anyway, I plan to post a bit about that eventually, but today it was all about finding a slice of paradise.  My husband and daughter were excited to head out with me for a little adventure near home.  Where land, water, and sky meet, I felt rejuvenated.

I await autumn with open arms, but the stress of an increased workload comes along with all the apples, pumpkins, and spiced chai lattes.  Make sure you get outside and reconnect with the people, and places, who mean a lot to you.

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Emerging hyacinth.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2018.

For the last decade or so, my Bealtaine celebrations have been punctuated by an explosion of green. Every year, I dance the Maypole, all the while taking note of the leaves finally reaching out in praise of sun and rain. This year, I did not dance the Maypole until the weekend after, but I spent the 1st welcoming signs of spring at my new home. This was our first Bealtaine here. My daughter helped me greet the flowers we planted in the autumn. We spent so much of March and April looking at their bed with longing; it was very satisfying to see them emerge and eventually blossom into a colorful display!  The bees certainly approved of our efforts.

Giving offerings to Airmed.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2018.

When working with my garden and the plants who grow around my home, my mind and heart swing to Airmed, a goddess fraternally connected to our plant allies. We made a space for her. Bee helped put offerings of gratitude in the little bowls we put out on her stone.

Outside shrine for spirit allies.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe.

My husband helped me move this half barrel into a corner of our yard. This followed us from our last two apartments. I’ve been placing offerings into it for years, and I even buried my ferrets in it. Renting, I had no other choice! So the little ones follow me, joining our spirit allies. I usually plant foxglove or woodland tobacco in it.

Our May Bush.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe, 2018

This is a new tradition for us – it’s something we couldn’t easily do at our apartment – make a May bush! Ours is slightly different from traditional Irish May bushes, mostly that it’s not Hawthorn and isn’t something we paraded around. However, we tied some cloth to the branches of this established bush – mostly ribbons Bee helped me choose. We danced around it, thanked the local spirits, and prayed for good luck upon our home, especially in regards to the productivity of the land we live upon.  It was a show of love and gratitude for the patch of land we call our home.  The bush has since burst into life.  We have decided to treat the ribbons as we do those of our grove’s Maypole – which is based on the tradition of my first grove, Muin Mound – we will remove the ribbons around Samhain and put them into the fire, thus returning the fertility to the land.

Each High Day, I think back to how I spent it as a renter.  I looked forward to owning my own home and having space to establish deeper relationships with the land.  I did what I could before, with container gardens, a failed attempt at worm bins, and delving deep into the apartment complex’s wooded land to make peace there… but now I can finally live out more of my dreams.  We planted seeds in the earth.  We planted trees and blueberry bushes in the earth.  We have a compost pile.  Finally, finally, I can start interacting with the yard I was so excited to work with when we moved in at the end of August last year.

 

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March melted away like all the ice we had. Spring is officially here, but it doesn’t yet feel like it. In fact, a chill remains in the air, and we had more snow this afternoon. I find that these transitional times are always a bit messy around Upstate NY. It can also be draining as we look forward to the the coming season with optimism even while we grow dreary of the old.

For that reason, I was grateful for the opportunity to attend a yoga retreat for mothers (of all ages). The focus was on loving kindness, first to ourselves, and then to others. When we stop to care for ourselves, we can project that love outward. I definitely welcomed an opportunity to go somewhere quiet to meditate and do some restorative yoga.  The teacher had such a peaceful presence that I immediately felt at ease.  She had a very eclectic approach that was very informed by a grounding in Yogic and Hindu tradition, but it was also very inclusive, allowing us to explore our inner worlds, speak to our inner guides, etc.  I left feeling refreshed and inspired.  I’ve incorporated some of the meditation into my daily devotionals.

My daughter and I welcomed Spring by building an Equinox shrine.  She was very excited to help.  Before that, we stopped at a gardening center and I let her pick out a pot and some flower seeds.  We planted them and invited Spring to grow.  We’re very excited to start the rest of our garden.  Now that it’s April, soon I will start more seeds and clean the yard in preparation.

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My altar as of Dec 2017.  Photo by Grey Catsidhe.

Many people reflect on the year upon entering its final hours. I’ve made a point to set some time aside and do so on my blog for many years, so here I am, keeping the tradition alive!  I try to maintain various traditions in my home. It’s become even more important to me as my daughter grows. I find value passing on customs from my family as well as my religious tradition. One such tradition is cleaning the home, as best as we are able, on New Year’s Eve. This year was the first that she took part, manning the duster. She seemed proud to assist, although I know I have to go back and get all the corners she missed due to her height or playful negligence.

As I scrubbed and swept, I reflected on one of my greatest achievements of 2017 – buying a home. Although it was not what I originally envisioned, I’m very proud and glad to have a place of our own. We have land to befriend, to plant, and I cannot wait to get started in the spring. It’s taking time, but we’re making it our own. I refinished a cabinet a couple months ago and set up my altar in the kitchen area. It’s still very much a work in progress. I intend to hang my Tree of Life tapestry above it, and I would like to install a shelf or two to display important images while tidying the surface of the altar itself. I need to organize other areas of the home, but I thought my readers would be interested to see my new altar space. Some may even take solace in the fact that it’s taking me time to get it where I want it – and even that will change as I do.

As I reflected on my joy and gratitude for buying a home, I couldn’t help but think of the difficulties many in my generation face in grasping similar dreams. Like other millennials, I continue to struggle with paying off student loan debt, but, somehow, I’ve made it this far. I find myself pondering how I can give back to my community and help those who do not have shelter, especially in these frigid temperatures.

My other great accomplishment this year has been completing a novel. I’m very proud of it. I’m still waiting for my husband to finish reading it, but I hope to share my story with a few others before I decide how to proceede. This year has found my creative spark reinvigorated. I’ve been writing stories and poetry, I delved into the world of cosplay to challenge and improve my sewing skills, and I even started to make candles here and there. It allowed me to connect with Brighid as I once did – as a creative person. For awhile, her mothering qualities eclipsed all others, so it’s been a bit of a rebirth for me.

2017 found me leaving certain aspects of my Druidism on the back burner, however. My formal studies have stalled. My flamekeeping has been on-and-off, something that riles up my old Catholic guilt. While I’ve maintained morning devotionals, my weekly rituals and meditations have been sporadic. No doubt, much of this was due to the disturbance and stress of moving. In all honesty, though, I’ve been exhausted from work, the news, and the seemingly ceaseless march of dishes and laundry. I chose, instead, to escape into fiction – my own and others’.

I am hoping to restore balance in 2018. I want to continue my creative pursuits, but also renew my Druid studies, especially trance, magic, and divination. I need to set aside time for myself, but prioritize so that I’m truly doing activities that feed my soul and elevate my skill set so that I may better serve my family, my grove, my community, and my Kindred. I hope to take better care of my body and exercise more so that I’m not so damn tired all the time. Especially after work… And somehow, as I do that, I need to involve my daughter so that she feels included and sleeps better herself.  Then I can have more quiet me-time when I need it.

Ah, the difficulties of motherhood…

It’s difficult not to think of 2017 and the greater challenges our society faces. There are many shadows that will stretch into the new year. Many are too large for us to tackle individually. As I prepare my home and family for another year, I think about what I can do to make a difference. Just as I contemplate spring’s garden, I will plant seeds to make the world a better place in my little corner. Each of us has some power, some influence. As a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a teacher, a writer, a sewist, a Druid – a person – may I be better, make better, and do better in 2018.

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2016 has been a strange one for many of us.  It feels disingenuous to type that, though, when I’ve lead a very comfortable life all year.  Considering the atrocities faced by people in Syria, for example…  Yet 2017, as most years, will also throw some difficulties at us, challenges that can feel insurmountable.  Sometimes they will be, and they will crush us mentally, physically, and spiritually.  More often, though, I think we can take the challenges and ride them with grace, learning the required lessons and, perhaps, teaching others along the way.  2016 saw us lose many heroes and inspirations.  Some of us lost family members or friends to various circumstances.  Many of us saw 2016 as a battering ram of defeat, and the tumult reached me on a personal level right at the very end.

I have not done my annual saining and divinatory reading for the New Year.  I have not yet looked for insight into what is coming, but I am optimistic.  Typical to my Sagittarius sign, I always look on the bright side, even after a painful situation.  To me, every hurt is a lesson.  I realize I’m showing a lot of privilege in saying that given that I’m not in a war zone or scared to use the bathroom at night…  I have gratitude for the blessings I’ve been given and I want to do more to help those in need.  It’s a theme that’s continued to show up in my magical work.  I’m looking forward to growing as a person in 2017.  I’m looking forward to growing in my spirituality and strengthening my grove.  My grove!  We became a grove in 2016.  I must focus on the successes and learn from the failures.  I will continue to work through the Nine Virtues to be the best I can be!

“Turn, Turn, Turn” – performed by the Byrds and written by Pete Seeger – came to mind today.  Despite its biblical origins, I’ve always felt the song is very Pagan.  Life is full of comings and goings, beginnings and endings, as painful as that can be.  Perhaps our paths will cross again one day, but for now, all I can think of is the wheel turning… and the work that I must continue.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late
Wherever you are, whoever you are, I wish you a very blessed 2017.  May we all grow and improve in our paths and in kindness to each other.

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… On the cabin window.


I did my morning meditation and yoga on a dock facing Star Lake. It’s been a relaxing Lughnasadh weekend full of swimming, kayaking, board games, and good company. 

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