My motivation is returning! Perhaps self-loathing isn’t all that bad if it eventually forces me to tear myself away from laziness for the sake of my self-confidence.
I’ve worked a little on a doll’s outfit and have put together a reusable shopping bag out of burlap! I made buttons from bottle caps but am waiting for the paint to dry.
Photos later. 🙂
I did some yoga earlier and have been sitting by an open window most of the day. Perhaps that is helping?
The terrible fatigue I’ve been feeling lately has spread to my spirituality. My rituals are suddenly shorter and lack any real meditation. I’ve tried to meditate in bed but I always fall asleep and have strange dreams that I can’t really remember in the morning.
I keep thinking about and seeing foxes everywhere. My inner teacher is calling out to me. I really should get down to business later. And I need to do it in my ritual room. I’m too programed to sleep when in bed. Meditation doesn’t come easy there.
I’m attempting to be more physically active in the hopes that it will improve my health and my energy. I started doing some aerobics yesterday. Perhaps I’ll do some yoga today – something not too jarring but also strenuous. I do love stretching…
Speaking of exercise, I’ve looked for belly dance instructors in and around Watertown. It seems that the closest are across the border or in Syracuse. With one car between myself and my husband, neither is really feasible at the moment. In the meantime, I’m hopeful that the local BOCES will get one down the road.
I don’t know if it’s the moon, the season, my hormones, or my lifestyle (it’s probably a combination!), but I have been one tired Pagan as of late. It seems that I want nothing more than to sit on my bum and vegetate after work. I’m sorry to say that our home is not as tidy as it could be. If someone came to visit, I would feel terribly torn between my desire to be hospitable and my embarrassment. One of our cats made it worse when she stole an unfinished doll leg from my studio. There are tiny clumps of stuffing here and there.
I’ve tried to do things on my to-do list. My sewing has fallen behind which is unfortunate. However I’ve been kind of productive on the Druid front. I wrote an article for Oak Leaves that I have to send in. I’ve also been editing another person’s article. I recorded a couple submissions for Tribeways. I need to give those another listen and send them in. I also need to finish my mentoring questionnaire… I should do that next…
In other news, my husband and I found a wonderful little shop in the town of Pamelia, NY (near Evans Mills if you know where that is…). It’s called Doxtater’s Farmers Market and it’s wonderful. We found organic, cruelty free eggs there as well as local fruits and veggies (in season!), local peanut and almond butter, maple syrup, jam, soaps, lotion, and breads. There’s a gorgeous brick oven that the baker uses right in the shop. He also makes delicious pizza. Oh, and for any of you meat eaters looking to support local, organic farmers rather than the nasty factory farms, Doxtater’s also sells local, organic, pasture-fed beef, chicken, and sheep. I’m very excited about the shop and its proximity to my home.
I’ve also located a local farmer who sells milk (unpasteurized) but I need to find a good container. I saw some large glass jars at the local Mennonite shop. One of those would probably do the trick.
Happy a happy Friday!
1) Carrionmann got back to me about being a mentor for people working on their Dedicant Programs. I was informed that my DP was excellent and that I definitely qualify! Huzzah! I’m really excited about helping people and giving back to the religious community I love so dearly. I just need to complete the questionnaire.
2) Oak Leaves and Tribeways work – I have an article to edit for someone else and an article that I am writing to contribute. I was thrilled to contribute to the Solstice Tribeways podcast and I definitely want to think of something to contribute for that. Again – I am so excited to get more involved.
3) The artisan guild is working on making a gallery of member work. I need to get some photos of things in! On a related note, I want to start planning an entry for the guild competition at Wellspring!
4) I want to do another trance soon, if not tonight. I feel better and am ready to meet my teacher once more.
I have a lot of friends who are skeptical of “energy” as is seen by Pagans. This is fine and I encourage questions because it forces me to think and reevaluate my spirituality. Let’s face it – sometimes things are a matter of faith and that’s that. Someone experiences unverified personal gnosis and it’s his/her word against yours. End of story. But there are also plenty of times when spiritual people have to be open to scientific explanations. Science won’t necessarily devalue what you believe, either. In fact, I often feel quite the opposite and I don’t understand why more religious people and scientists can’t reconcile. For me, science and religion are two sides of the same coin. Someone once said that science answers the how and religion can answer the why or the who. I’m not arguing that one is better than the other or that people from both schools should accept that wholesale … but really. I think most cases, like creationism and evolution, can be viewed as two sides of the same coin.
ANYWAY.
Today I thought a bit about the moon, particularly the full moon. I always notice the big, beautiful moon in the sky. It invigorates me, comforts me, and inspires me. Could it be, scientifically speaking, that the light given off by the moon not only pleases us for psychological reasons (light helps us see in the dark and avoid danger), but also for physical reasons? The sun’s rays are reflecting off the moon onto Earth. Does it also reflect vitamin D? Does it trick us into feeling somehow more awake and that’s why I often want to dance when I see a full moon?
The moon begins to wane and I’ve been feeling restless and lazy. I thought about working on some creative projects but then decided that I really wasn’t in the mood. I did some work, tidied the house, and read a little.
My husband and I went to Muin Mound last night to celebrate Imbolc with the grove. The ritual was held outside in negative three degrees weather! Now I feel like a hardcore Pagan! Last year we did a lot of rituals inside because of the snow/cold and then a surplus of water and mosquitos in the nemeton. A lot of people were feeling disconnected so we vowed to go outside for ritual more. Thank the Gods it wasn’t windy. My poor toes, even in my new cozy boots, were so red by the time we got inside. The ritual was definitely faster than usual, but it was somehow powerful and meaningful at the same time. Huddling close to the fire, I felt a more intense gratefulness for Brighid and her fire. I also felt the blessing of community, which was interesting because the omens reflected this.
Before and after the rite, actually, I felt better bonded with my grovies. We made Brighid crosses and chatted before the ritual. I’ll have to take and post photos later. (My husband made a triforce from the Legend of Zelda Games out of wheat.) After the ritual was the potluck and more socializing. Phoenix showed me her new art studio and we talked for some time about arts and crafts. Skip and I talked about training programs. He’s happy that I’m becoming more active on the forums and chats. He also showed me a photo of he and the other previous Arch Druids naked (backside only) and covered in body paint. LOL! Jen, Candy, Skip, and I talked excitedly about Wellspring this year. Jen seems quite excited that we’ll be there and in the Muin Mound camp this year. I am stoked.
Community is important to me. That’s part of why ADF speaks to me so. It’s about family and coming together to learn and worship. Muin Mound is starting to feel like a spiritual family to me. They are so welcoming and inclusive of both myself and my husband. Such reassurance couldn’t have come at a better time now that MVPN has gone through such a change.
Today the snow falls thick and fast. Another winter day in the North Country. I am grateful to my own resourcefulness and Brighid’s protection for the shelter and warmth I have. I pray that my husband makes it home from work safe. I think our grocery shopping and laundry chores will have to be put on hold today,,,
Because I’m trying to document my feelings/energy levels in conjunction with the cycles of the moon…
Although I stated that today has been a day of rest, at the same time I am still up at 1:24 AM. Full moons always make me feel mentally awake, I suppose, even though I’ve been lazing around after work.
Heehee. I’m amused by the number of people who have told me about the bright full moon tonight. I’m worried people think I don’t read the news or look out my window! That said, I had been thinking the full moon would be on the night of Jan 30th, not the eve of the date. In other words, perhaps my calendar is more Celtic than I gave it credit for. 😉 When I started to read about how bright the full moon would be on the 29th I became very perplexed indeed about the seeming discrepancy in calendars…
Anyway, it’s a big shiny full moon and I have felt… relaxed, I guess. I still took care of some creative pursuits, but it was more or less a day of rest. We can think of the moon as at its climax. Tomorrow it will begin to wane until the dark moon – a time of shrinking, lessening, resting, healing, and, ultimately, renewal.
My greatest spiritual/creative accomplishment today was making a Brighid’s cross (with my husband’s help). I don’t have any green rushes around. It was quite a bitter day up here in the North Country after all. There is a small creek near us at the edge of a forest. Separating the tame from the wild is a wall of (currently brown and dead) tall grasses. When I returned from work this afternoon, I harvested several and soon realized that they were too fragile to bend in their moribund state. My husband helped me steam the centers. It worked like a charm! The plants were probably not the best for this sort of project, but this is the first time I’ve made one and, I must say, I’m very proud. I’m going to leave it in the window tonight to soak up the moonbeams. Then it will make its home over my door as a protective charm.
Author M. A. Phillips 