When life gets busy, I tend to feel that my spirituality comes out of focus. Socializing, driving from place to place, and my day job all distract me from my studies. Being a mother and keeping my home is exhausting. So often, I find myself snuggled in a bathrobe, on the couch, watching something on Netflix. When I log on to the internet, I see others in my tradition discussing the various ADF study programs that they’re working through, and I think of how long it’s taking me… I’m about ready to give up on trance and magic for now. I just can’t seem to adhere to a routine with my fussy toddler teething so frequently. It can be really discouraging…
When I went into the forest to do my devotional on Sunday, I found myself dwelling on everything I wasn’t doing enough of: practicing meditation or trance, magical work, studying Irish, studying herbalism… My ritual itself felt a little melancholy. It was such a chilly, overcast day. All the lovely autumn colors from the last couple weeks had blown away. Ravens chuckled in the distance, reminding me at once of An Morrigan and her connection to death. The veil is thin, Samhain is coming, and the natural world both dies and prepares for slumber.
Once inside, I gradually began to realize all the ways that I am living and growing spiritually. I am doing my best to maintain a positive relationship with the Kindreds by giving offerings and saying prayers of gratitude. I practice simple, practical forms of magic – folk magic, kitchen magic, basic shielding and grounding. I may not be actively studying Irish each day, but I’m learning when I can. I may not be reading as much as I used to, but I’m fitting that in when I can as well. I’ve started to journal each Sunday afternoon, and my liturgy journal shows growth and reflection. Most importantly, I’m sharing the joy of life’s most basic magic with my daughter. We sing and dance to music, delight in simple stories, and enjoy expressing our creativity with art. We explore nature together, and her complete awe in everything has awakened something deep inside me. Lately, a majority of the books I read are my child’s. We read them together – fiction and non-fiction, verse and prose. She hears my prayers and sees me make offerings.
My Druidism is growing as fast as an oak, which is okay. The experience of tending to my little acorn is just part of my journey. It is teaching me to be patient and nurturing, and to reconnect to the world’s most primal and joyful magic.
Author M. A. Phillips 
It can be so easy to feel that we’re not ‘doing enough’ especially when other Pagans seem to be so busy with studies… but you are living, and from what you share on your blog, living richly and thoughtfully. That, surely, is the bit that really matters? I like your oak tree image, and your precious acorn…
It’s based on a saying from ADF – “Fast as a speeding oak.” 🙂
One of your wisest and most comforting posts yet….something about parenthood seems to galvanize our desire to “Quick! Learn everything you need to be a worthy parent!” I found my own journal from when I was pregnant with Nora and just howled at the study schedule I had set myself! Every morning- 1 hour of Latin, 1 hour of Greek, 1 hour sewing on baby clothes….” You know what I mean…. 😀 Hugs!
Why thank you! And my goodness, you were ambitious! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had to come to terms with the demands of motherhood with regards to my studies…