Seeing Shadows

The following is an excerpt from my Initiate Studies trance journal from August 27, 2012.

What an odd experience!

Tonight I set out to do my trance work on the couch and avoid the disturbances of my tossing and turning husband.  He has to wake up early tomorrow so I had an hour or two to myself before my own desired bedtime.  I thought it was a perfect opportunity to get some introspective work done.

Boy was I wrong.

I prepared myself by gathering my iphone and earbuds.  I planned to listen to a recorded drum beat called “Third Meditation” by Richard C. Schrei.  It was a free purchase I bought a year or so ago from Amazon for the purposes of meditating.  It’s a bit fast paced, perhaps, but it is fairly consistent which helps me maintain a breathing pattern.

I lit some incense on the family/seasonal altar in the living room then turned the lights out.  This is normally how I do things.  A spicy scent and darkness are my favored mental keys for altered states.

As I was settling on the couch, I thought that I should probably ground myself using the Two Powers meditation first.  I wanted to put myself in the right frame of mind to engage in the work before simply delving in.  Just as I was getting into that, I noticed a tall, dark shadow out of the corner of my eye.  I turned and squinted, fear clenching at my heart.  “Oh shit!” I remember thinking.  “It’s too late!”  In my panic, I worried that something materialized because I didn’t ground myself.

I can’t help but laugh at myself as I think back on it… but I’ve read about those “shit just got real” moments others have experienced.  I don’t think things like that are impossible.

Nervously, I gasped my husband’s name because the more rational side of my brain started to work again.

He giggled at me and I collapsed into the couch, my heart racing.  “Damnit!” I said.  “Don’t ever do that again!”  He apologized and explained that he wondered what I was doing.  The lights turned off but I never came in the bedroom.  He wanted to make sure I was ok.  I guess he didn’t realize I was going to trance.

I went about my work after that but had to turn a light on.  I was just too spooked.  Meditating or engaging in trance while on edge is not fun and I don’t feel like I accomplished anything or saw any growth in myself as a result.

The moral of the story is to make sure everyone in your home is aware that you do not want to be disturbed before doing trance work.  Especially if you’re weak of heart.  If I were elderly I probably would have died!