On Knowing My Limits and Rethinking Failure

The craft show went well.  The Stone Soup Storytelling festival was relatively successful given the weather, but I wouldn’t call my vending a huge success.  I sold some things and received many compliments, though, so that makes me happy.  We ended up leaving early because of a storm.  As I said to a friend, my dolls can’t stand up to the magnificence of Thor.  Now I’m home, dreaming up new things to sew, and preparing for a new, full week…

This month, not even half over, has been a mixture of extreme stress, fatigue, and many obligations.  I seem to have long-distance trips each weekend which further complicates my life.  Last weekend saw me in the Utica area for a dear friend’s bridal shower.  I just couldn’t miss it.  The craft show, also in the Utica area, was self-imposed due to my love of art and a desire to help a friend put together a great event.  This coming weekend, we are going to Syracuse to participate in a Folk of the Grove vigil and celebrate Midsummer before running back home to celebrate Father’s Day.  Just to make things more interesting, I work full time during the day and spend three nights each week in four hour classes.  Oh yeah, I’m also planning my sister’s bridal shower. And I’m behind on reviewing a DP submission.  And working on a doll commission…  This month is just too busy.

All the while, I find myself trying to fit The Nine Moons in.  This is supposed to be the month where things really take off and I’m doing more.  And yet…  I just can’t.  Summer classes are the real coffin nail in the situation.  I have no energy most days, I hardly see my husband, and spend hours traveling to and from classes and other cities to fulfill social and family demands.  Trying to fit a three day vigil in last week, and only being able to do it for two days, was a real blow to my self-esteem.  I was hoping to return home earlier today and do my 6th night retreat but things didn’t work out like that…

I was really beating myself up about it when it dawned on me – I should just take a month off.  I can’t do everything.   As much as my spiritual development is important to me, I realized the value of spending time and doing quality work instead of rushing through exercises and trying to fit everything into a tiny time slot.  That’s not how to learn and progress.  It’s not fair to me or the spirits.  Thus, I will do my fourth moon work in July and do my best to meditate daily and maintain my shrine devotionals for the rest of June.

I look forward to devoting more time to my Druidic studies in July…  Hell, I look forward to my vacation in July…  It’s going to be great…

And now that I vented, time for some homework before bed.

Published by M. A. Phillips

An author and Druid living in Northern NY.

2 thoughts on “On Knowing My Limits and Rethinking Failure

  1. I agree its very important to know when to say no, especially to yourself! There have been a few commitments this summer that I have just had to drop, otherwise I would be going insane, and I don’t have half of what you have going on!

    I think you’re on the right track…and not that I know a whole lot about your practice, but maybe the things you have to focus on could be viewed as an extension of the rituals you would rather be doing?

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