I know I’ve been a bit distant recently. My ritual last week was tired and rushed. I forgot my usual peace offering for the Outdwellers. I forgot to honor the bardic spirit until after I made an offering to the ancestors. I forgot the ale but, luckily, had whiskey on hand. It felt like one of my first rituals. I was embarrassed and felt defeated. My daily devotionals have been lackluster. I’ve waited until the last moments to do them before I lazily drag myself to bed far too late. I speak in hushed tones or in my head because my husband is often there getting ready for sleep. The altar is in the bedroom and I feel exposed and/or distracted at times. I know I should do my rituals and devotionals earlier when my husband is at work or busy in the living room, but I spend my time doing other things. There are things that need to be done, like cleaning. There are things that I feel called to do, like sew. There are also huge wastes of time… Most days, I just want to sit and relax after a long day of work.
I would blame leaving home and visiting family over the weekend for my disrupted routines, but it’s really my own lack of discipline.
I hope you know that you’re never far from my thoughts. I see you in the trees, feel you on the breeze, hear you in my dreams, and experience you in my art. I try to keep close, but sometimes I feel like a boat that, while tethered to the dock, has floated lazily away. I don’t know how others do it. How do they complete their study programs so quickly? How do they meditate so regularly without falling asleep? How do they write articles and books? How do they do all that while having a job and social life?
Great Kindreds, I will work harder to spend more time with you. I will work on taking better care of myself and getting to bed sooner. I will try to waste less time online. I will try harder…
( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )