I sometimes feel less than adequate in the Pagan community. There are so many people who claim the ability to astrally travel, see visions/auras, and sense energy. I honestly believe that I experienced accidental astral projection once. I’ve been able to see visions in my own mind and firmly believe that I saw a spirit of some sort when I was very, very young. I can go into trance but it often takes a lot of time. I can sense my own energies but have a harder time sensing them in other people. I have, but not always. When I say that, I mean the more subtle energies. Like most humans, I’m easily able to sense anger, confusion, distrust, etc… I know not everyone associates those feelings with energy but I do. I’ve never seen an aura. I sometimes think I’m not very good at projecting energy. I’m a complete novice in divination.
I worry that I will disappoint the elders in my community. I worry that I will disappoint the Kindreds. I worry that I’ll down-right suck in the ISP.
The rational side of me says that I’m young and inexperienced; that some of these things will come with time and practice*. Practice is the biggie for me. I waste so much time *not* practicing! My time management definitely needs improvement. My priorities are sometimes off. Either that or I’m too easily distracted. Or, very innocently and rightly, I just want to spend time with my husband. All the same, I need to make more “me time” for my spirituality. I need to spend less time online, less time playing games, and less time wasting time.
A question to my Pagan friends – do you ever feel this way? How do you deal with it?
*I know there are some of you shaking your heads right now. “She’s talking about being rational about irrational things!” 😛