I sometimes feel less than adequate in the Pagan community.  There are so many people who claim the ability to astrally travel, see visions/auras, and sense energy.  I honestly believe that I experienced accidental astral projection once.  I’ve been able to see visions in my own mind and firmly believe that I saw a spirit of some sort when I was very, very young.  I can go into trance but it often takes a lot of time.  I can sense my own energies but have a harder time sensing them in other people.  I have, but not always.    When I say that, I mean the more subtle energies.  Like most humans, I’m easily able to sense anger, confusion, distrust, etc…  I know not everyone associates those feelings with energy but I do.  I’ve never seen an aura.  I sometimes think I’m not very good at projecting energy.  I’m a complete novice in divination.

I worry that I will disappoint the elders in my community.  I worry that I will disappoint the Kindreds.  I worry that I’ll down-right suck in the ISP.

The rational side of me says that I’m young and inexperienced; that some of these things will come with time and practice*.  Practice is the biggie for me.  I waste so much time *not* practicing!  My time management definitely needs improvement.  My priorities are sometimes off.  Either that or I’m too easily distracted.  Or, very innocently and rightly, I just want to spend time with my husband.  All the same, I need to make more “me time” for my spirituality.  I need to spend less time online, less time playing games, and less time wasting time.

A question to my Pagan friends – do you ever feel this way?  How do you deal with it?

*I know there are some of you shaking your heads right now.  “She’s talking about being rational about irrational things!”  😛

Published by M. A. Phillips

An author and Druid living in Northern NY.

One thought on “

  1. wow–I'm going through the same thing right now. I rarely meditate or do rituals on my own, any communication with spirits or my Gods seems accidental, and I feel like I could be doing so much more. Then again, I'm in college and finals are coming up, so I'm having a harder time than usual paying attention to anything… spring always messes with my head. I keep telling myself that "oh, once it's summer I'll be able to do more!", but somehow I feel like it's another empty promise. Hopefully the coming Beltane celebrations will help set my head on straight.

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