I heard geese today! That’s a sure sign of spring!
It feels so comfortable outside. I love these transitionary moments. I can feel the energy and the potential in the air. Things are stirring. Life is stirring.
In other news, I finally attended a CUUPS meeting. It was held in the Watertown UU (Huge, lovely building, by the way. I was surprised at how large it was!). My husband came because I was nervous about meeting new people – Pagans in particular. You see, as much as I love my religious community, it can’t be denied that we attract some folks with questionable stability and, sometimes, morality. I was delighted to find a group of inviting, intelligent, sane people. Really, I’ve only had a couple of freaky experiences – both relatively minor to others I’ve heard of. But still. It doesn’t hurt to play it safe, especially as a woman in an area full of testosterone, economic uncertainty, and a pool of people potentially dealing with PTSD.
Anyway, first impressions are everything and, as I said, these seemed like good people. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss and prepare for the Spring Equinox. I was a little put off by the use of an Edain McCoy book, but otherwise the research was pretty spot on to a lot of history books I’ve read. Of course there was the usual duotheistic slant I’ve come to expect from most eclectic groups, but I am fine with that so long as they understand (or try to understand) the cultures from whence the holidays came. I was even more impressed that the group was attempting to have a casual ritual open to people of all paths. There will be no calling of quarters, no main deity called, no offerings given, etc. Basically, the point of the ritual is to welcome spring and raise some energy that will be put back into the Earth. Following that there is to be a potluck. I offered to bring quiche.
I am looking forward to the ritual but also have some minor trepidations with the group. Again, it is not their personalities or anything of the sort. I think, more than anything, I feel really new but also really experienced. The two women doing most of the talking have been Pagans longer than me, and that’s awesome. But everyone else seems really new and quiet. I felt that I had a lot to say but was really reluctant to open my mouth for fear of overstepping boundaries. I’m also uncertain as to their true feelings about ADF. I was impressed that they knew about it, Muin Mound, and some of our beliefs. They said they had done some ADF rituals in the past but I got the feeling they really weren’t keen on them. Something about being too complicated (they’re long but logical, in my opinion). They’re not for everyone, but I definitely get something out of them and I would hate to work with people who turn their noses down on my tradition. I guess I’ll just see how things go next time and consider whether or not I go back… It’s hard being the newbie. I’m uncertain how they see me and what they really think.
You see, I’m struggling with wanting to find a local community and friends that I can feel safe with, and feeling like I already have too much going on. Whenever I participate in ADF chats or attend Muin Mound, I feel really fulfilled. I like being on a similar wavelength to others, and it’s not like I’ve severed ties with my eclectic Pagan friends in Utica. I just… I don’t know. I’m lonely but then I’m not. Growing pains, I suppose. I guess I’ll just see what happens! At the very least, I would like to give the CUUPS a chance and maintain a positive relationship with them.